Today was a hard ass day. Patty, my ex friend and ex coworker, is back and she just appeared this morning. No warning, nothing. It was deeply uncomfortable and disorienting. I tried to focus on letting myself feel how I felt but by the end of the day I was back to my hold mental habits.
I was really hoping she’d quit. However, do the awful employees ever quit?
I’m unwinding from work and this really resonated with me. It’s nice to have someone put into words some experiences I’ve had. One of my strengths is my ability to move towards healthy and positive habits despite how I’ve grown up. I think that the bubbly side isn’t suppressed but it’s careful. Not everyone is worth my time.
It’s supposed to be extremely hot today so I’m not going to take the bus or light rail home. I have been more frivolous with money but I haven’t regretted taking a Lyft or an Uber yet. The only time I felt any semblance of regret was when I took a 30 dollar Lyft to a Laundromat where I spent another 30 dollars to activate a card that can only be used there. This Laundromat was nowhere near the closest to me. I wanted a “luxury” laundry experience after swearing off the racist Laundromat in my neighborhood. Well anyways, it was ok but not worth 90 dollars.
As for my fat loss journey, I wouldn’t be surprised if I gained back any progress I made in June. It wasn’t a very stable time for weight loss because I went from having no money to “having” a ton of money (I’ll have to pay it all back though but I’m using it as a now cushion idc).
Setting my intentions for July, I want to minimize eating out and maximize my time spent outside of my apartment. My goals for June were much more intense and that’s probably why they were unsuccessful. I’m actively working on changing my all or nothing thinking and wrangling my inner critic. Setting more realistic goals is a part of it. Speaking of, I won’t be able to go straight home from work. I meet with my therapist right at 3:30. I’ll go into one of the empty rooms.
It’s officially day 30 of my weight loss challenge. I will admit, it didn’t go as planned and I was tempted to just call tomorrow day 1. However, I said that I would reassess in July and tomorrow is July. I’m drinking a smoothie I made, I don’t know how many calories it is but I’m hoping its enough to curb cravings. I couldn’t find almonds last minute at Royal farms, only honied almonds so I used that in my smoothie.
Caffeine is a must and proper sleep is also a must. I have to leave for work soon so this will also be a short. I’m taking the light rail which will give me a 0.9 walk for the morning.
I did not do anything on my reminder post. I did go to work on a sunday though so I’m still proud of the day. It’s 12 am right now and I’m too tired to type much. I really should go to sleep. I have decided to save for a home. And according to Claude, it should only take two years.
My savings goal is 20k. Thinking about what I want in a house, it has to have a large bathroom and the toilet can’t be cramped next to the tub. It also has to have lots of sunlight. Then it will be perfect for how I want to decorate it.
Reminder to add
I watched Obsession on Thursday. I felt so bad for Nicki. On the Internet, lots of theaters had people laughing. I imagine if you watch this with your friends it would be funny, I don’t judge those who laughed. I think they were watching from Bear’s perspective. If I’m watching all of this happen to Bear after he wished it, I’m thinking “This guy is getting what he deserves lmao”.
However, because my theater only had 2 other people in it and I heard what it was really about, I was primed to take everything seriously.
Or at least it feels like my 50th blog.
I have been trying to find the perfect platform. It’s taken a month apparently. I started on Livejournal then moved and moved until I settled on Tumblr but tumblr is too loud and not what I was hoping for. I wanted to go somewhere where I could read other people’s blogs but most of tumblr is used for fandom or talking about whatever ideology they cared about
Pearlspeaks 